I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but ironically, I think that sometimes we Christians bring up past sins we have committed for three main reasons: we want to get God’s attention, we want to feel more pious about ourselves, or we don’t really believe in his forgiveness.
Initially, I think we tend to bring up past sins with God as a way to show Him how sorry we really are about our sin, how serious we are about holiness, and how much better we have become since then. And I think we subconsciously do these three things as a faux-holy attempt to get leverage with God. What do I mean? I think that sometimes we bring up past sins in order to prove to God how sorry we are for our sin, and by showing how sorry we are for sin, we actually show how pious we really are. Our intense reaction to sin is actually a subtle way to prove our alleged holiness to God—that we aren’t that bad after all.
I think we do this because the spiritual default of our human nature is to prove ourselves to God. We see this all over the Bible and in every nook and cranny of our own lives. And in this case, we wrongly believe that our degree of sorrow over sin is what ushers us back into right standing with God, as if the intensity of our sorrow over sin—a subtle way of proving our own piety—is what gives us renewed favor before God.
Thus, bringing up past sins before God to show our own piety or goodness is actually never about God, but it’s ironically about our goodness, and we’re consciously or unconsciously using it as leverage for why God should bless us. Moralism can literally make us so delusional we deceive ourselves about the very thing we are trying to prove.
But maybe this isn’t you. Maybe when you bring up past, forgiven sins, it is not about feeling more pious for feeling sorrow over sin. Maybe it is truly the belief that you don’t think God really forgave you through Christ. In this case, you must believe that when God said he forgives sins, you must take him at his trustworthy, unerring word, and not your feeble, changing feelings. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what you think. It only matters what God says and thinks. So if He says you’re forgiven, you can’t veto his verdict. He’s the Judge after all. If you feel unforgiven, but have gone to God for forgiveness, then you need to believe the truth that God has in fact forgiven you, then you must let your feelings catch up to that reality of your freedom from sin.
Overall, bringing up past forgiven sins is highly offensive to Jesus.
Why? Because he took your sins upon himself, nailed them to the cross on which he died, and buried them in the grave in which he overcame.
Your sins are dead to you in light of Jesus’ death, resurrection, and forgiveness for you.
Don’t resurrect your sins with Jesus. You never had leverage with Him anyways, so don’t do it as a way to establish leverage. You’ll only be re-establishing your own moralistic delusions and self-deception in the process. You had nothing to offer him and still have nothing to give him, no matter how ‘righteous’ or ‘pious’ or ‘improved’ you think you are. His righteousness to you and forgiveness of you is a gift of grace so that no one can boast. And conversely, if you don’t believe you’re really forgiven or really loved or think you’re too bad for God’s grace, look at the cross and his resurrection. God’s wrath was poured out for sin once and for all, completely on Jesus, every ounce. Not one drop remains for you if you have claimed Christ as your sacrifice and righteousness.
So don’t resurrect your sins with Jesus. Why? Because He intends to unearth your sin as much as he intends to climb back into the grave. Therefore, bringing up past forgiven sins with Jesus is the same thing as telling him that his suffering for you wasn’t enough to give you the peace you need. In this case, the problem isn’t with His suffering; for God already confirmed it as sufficient. The problem is with our obsession with leverage before God or your unbelief in the sufficiency of his grace. Thankfully, however, only the gospel can snap our obsession with leverage, and only it can calm our doubts in His grace. Rest in it, and rejoice you’ve indeed been forgiven and in Christ, have God’s love and acceptance in full and in permanence.
